Guacamole for Idiots

A while ago, I posted a recipe for fish tacos, and neglected to post a recipe for guacamole with it…
What kind of IDIOT am I?!?!?!?
Who am I to assume that you have a proper guac recipe?
Let’s say you are from Nebraska, or Switzerland! Let’s say you just got over an avocado allergy you have had all your life! Let’s say you are so schwasted from the night before that you can’t possibly think for yourself and you NEED to see some recipes laid out in front of you!
Don’t worry…I’m fixing the errors of my ways.
Well, this error, anyway.
These are all the ingredients you need: 1 sweet onion(or just half an onion if it is large) 4 avocados, 1 bunch of cleaned cilantro, 1 Serrano or jalapeno pepper, 2 limes. 
And salt. 
Please…let’s never forget the salt. Perish the thought.
 When you slice the avocado lengthwise, there will be a pit in the middle. To pull out the pit, whack your knife blade in there…
 and the pit just pops out!
 Then, scoop out the yellow-green flesh of the avocado. Avoid any brown spots.
Doesn’t that advice work for everything in life?
 Spoon all the flesh into a bowl, 
and start to mash it with a fork. You don’t need to fully smooth it out, just start to get the substance broken down. 
 Now you add the FINELY diced onion(dicing all the veggies finely really adds to the taste of the dish – making sure everything is distributed evenly), 
 the FINELY diced pepper (as always – seed it or just use half to reduce the heat quotient),
 the juice of both limes,
 and a healthy dose of cilantro. This is key…you need a LOT of cilantro here.
 Then you toss those ingredients into the avocados, mix them up, and add salt to taste. Does it need more acid? Add some lime. More spice? Add some more diced peppers. Some people like to add salsa, garlic or cumin. I…I am a simple girl.
Well…maybe not entirely simple.
 But this guacamole is simply delicious. Chunky but creamy, buttery and sweet but spicy and zesty. The lime really brings the avocado’s savory points to the forefront, since it is naturally SUCH a mild and sweet fruit (that’s right people, it’s a fruit!). The cilantro adds a heady herbaciousness to the rich dip, and this is perfect for everything from chips to fish to a salad topping!
Or, you know, you could just put it in a burrito with cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, sour cream and Cholula and call it a day. 
That’s what I did…guess I’m not such an idiot after all.


  1. JustinM says:

    I admit I might be missing out on a lot, but man I hate guacamole with a passion.

  2. Fritos and Foie Gras says:

    @Justin-I know!!! I can't believe it and yet…it's true!


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