2011 Epic Fails and Pickle and Pastry Giveaway

As the last post of 2011, I present to you a gallery of the year’s biggest culinary failures. Some you have seen, most you have not. This list will serve as a reminder to me in 2012, every time I try to take a picture with flash or eat at a Todd English restaurant, that I have done that before, and that it just doesn’t work.  If you read to the end of the post, you may receive a handsome reward…Without further ado, and in no particular order:
11 Epic Fails of 2011
1) Whole wheat pizza dough
It tastes like cardboard at a pizzeria and it tastes like cardboard at home. I do, however, love the Emile Henry pizza stone on which I baked it!
2) Impatiece when making root beer floats 
Or cupcakes. Or meatballs. Basically, I just need to try to be more patient. Otherwise, the soda will always run over the edge of the proverbial cup. 
3) Meatopia 2011
Actually, this was great. The problem was that it was on the hottest day of the year and after I ingested about half my body weight in roasted pork, beef, and offal, I had to go home and lie with a Buddha belly on my couch for 3 hours. All I could eat the next day was miso soup. I have never, never, NEVER been so food-ed out in my life.
4) Every single picture I took at Alta
No more need be said.
5) That time I tried to make matzoh brie in a stockpot instead of a skillet
The whole thing steamed instead of sauteed and became something akin to regurgitated baby food. So shapeless and insipid that even a heavy dose of Sriracha could not save it.
6) My entire meal at The Plaza Food Hall
 Overpriced, under served, mediocre…good Lord, Todd English, you should be ashamed of yourself!
7) This Tunisian pastry 
It looked like a beautiful glazed donut but was instead filled with must have been tobacco-infused rancid honey. If you pass by a Tunisian bakery in the Latin Quarter of Paris, just ignore it!
8) Tomato vinaigrette for a summer salad
Doesn’t it look just like tomato paste? That’s what it tasted like, too. 
9) Banana pudding from Donna Belle’s Bakeshop
 All the things here looked so delicious. So why did I choose the one item that tasted like absolutely nothing. Not sweet, not sour, not rich, not tart…literally, it was like I was eating air. Fatty, cholesterol-ruining air. 
10) Jack cheese-jalapeno bread
This pretty much sucked. The bread was leaden on the outside, gluey on the inside. It was so bad I gagged in the sink. 
That’s what she said.
11) Frozen Mango and Dulce de Leche Ice cream
Well, actually, this was pretty good. Great actually. I just wanted to end on a high note. 
And what better high note than with TWO gift certificates to give away to the Bryant Park Holiday Shops? I am giving away, courtesy of The Blaq Group:
 $50 to Pickle Me Pete (the habanero pickles were so hot that they actually made me cry)
and
 $50 to Mmm…Enfes (A Turkish food emporium with all sorts of delicious treats and sweets). 
There will be two winners of this giveaway, which you can enter just by leaving a comment on the comment section!
The only stipulation is that you must be able to use your gift certificate by January 8th when the shops close. So, if you are in the NYC area, leave a comment for a chance to win some awesome pickles or sweet Turkish treats! Winners will be chosen randomly and announced Monday, January 2!
Good luck and happy new year!

Comments

  1. Kyle says:

    I love love love your Blog, Sarah – even though I am not in the NYC Area! I live vicariously through your stomach!!!

  2. kim says:

    Thanks for the giveaway. I love Turkish food. The photos aren't THAT bad, really. :)

  3. Kyle Mullins says:

    Is it bad that now I'm dying to try something from a Tunisian bakery? Love the blog… keep it comin'! (Slash you've been officially linked from my professional website – see link below!)

  4. Virginia says:

    I'm entered! :) Thanks, Sara. It's awesome to see a thriving food blog from someone I kne/ow. Fun times with food!

  5. joanna says:

    Loved the run-down and Im keeping my fingers crossed!
    -Joanna
    jhsherman31[at]gmail[dot]com

  6. Sarah says:

    Entering! I love Pickle Me Pete. Haven't tried the Turkish spot, but I bet they have delish treats.

    Todd English just doesn't impress me either. His cooking or his looks ;)

  7. james says:

    A must enter! Count me in! Love giving the gf delish treats!

  8. Jookie says:

    I look forward to reading your blog everyday :)
    It's simply unmissable!!!

    Please enter me

  9. Dee says:

    Your meatopia cracked me up! Consider me entered.

  10. alliwannadoisbicycle says:

    Bam! Hit me!

  11. MareBare says:

    Love your blog, Sarah, your foods always seem so different & interesting! I hope the person who wins really appreciates all the yummy delights!!

  12. McKenzie "The MMMGuider" Mahoney says:

    meatopia was insane!!!! i love me some spicy pickles!!! xo

  13. Rehana says:

    I heart spicy food!!

  14. JJ says:

    This looks good.

  15. John Kim says:

    Love your blog and snarky reviews!

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