How to Make Saturday Breakfast Sandwiches

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Especially on weekends, when your day should not start until 12 noon at the earliest and should include reality tv, a disco nap, and a chance to go out and embarrass yourself in an inebriated state later that night.


Anyway, while on a weekday, instant oatmeal might cut the mustard, that ain’t the way it should be on the weekend, when you actually have time to drink some heavily creamed and sugared coffee, putter around the kitchen, and put together a kick ass breakfast sandwich. Just take a few things into mind.  1. Cheese

Nothing too stinky, nothing too salty. The point of this breakfast isn’t to shock your tastebuds into alertness, it’s to gently wake them up and cradle them as they come into a day that will surely include some beers and baskets of fries. Something with a good meltability is mostly what you want. Some medium sharp cheddar, mozzarella, or even -ssshh- American cheese – works really well here.

2. Pork

Yeah, I said pork. Sorry to my kosher and halal friends. I apologize to the vegans out there. And little piggies…well, you are very cute but also very delicious. I’m never giving you up. Now, I’m flexible as to the type of pork – crisp bacon, soft sausage, scrapple, even thin sliced pork loin. What you want is the natural salty sweetness of pork – it just works really well with the rest of the sandwich.

3. Eggs

Don’t even think about using egg whites here. Just shut up. Scrambled or fried work well. If you fry them, be sure to do it on a medium high heat and finish them by steaming them with a little water under a lid, so the yolks raise up high and get pleasantly gooey whilst the whites are firm. And if you scramble them, be sure to season them well – eggs love pepper.

4. Bread.

Get out of there with your whole wheat, low gluten, fiber-riffic loaves. Don’t throw me a tortilla (not without some refeid beans and salsa, at least). Use a tangy toasted sourdough, a fluffy and airy biscuit, or some rich challah bread. Break out all the stops – you really want a full on, indulgent experience here.

5. Layer(starting with the cheese, so the warmth of the other ingredients melts it)…




6. Top with Sriracha, ketchup, or even maple syrup. Whatever floats your boat – this sandwich needs a little something saucy to really get it going.

7. Eat. At least three of them.

Is it Saturday morning yet?