How to Waste an Entire Month’s Rent at The Plaza

There are times when you need to do something stupid.

I don’t mean something that could hurt you or someone else.

I don’t mean something that is illegal.

I mean something that is expensive.

I mean heading to The Plaza Food Hall and ordering a cheese plate that is massively overpriced.

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You can, however, smile nicely and say “please” and “thank you”, and the server, so used to snobby or borish customers, will cut you and extra portion of cheese and throw some prosciutto on there just because you are polite.

Maybe he can tell that you are having a rough day.

Maybe he can tell that you will have to return a new coat to afford this little outing.

Once you order, make your way through the hordes of tourists to the seats at the end of the counter.

Then, you will be brought a very large cheese board – so large that it almost – ALMOST – justifies the insane price tag. The hunk of Humboldt Fog is huge and almost room temperature. It’s creamy and light, with none of that barnyard-y taste or crumbly texture of lesser goat cheeses. The manchego is semi-soft and nutty with the briny green olive tapenade and the sweet red grapes. The prosciutto is obviously fresh – it almost melts upon contact with your tongue, leaving behind only a sweet, mild, porky taste.  Don’t forget the freshly toasted pretzel chips, crispy and pillowy at once.

After all of that, you may want to spend a little more money

Just because, go big or go home right?

And since you won’t be able to afford rent this month, you may not want to go home.

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So you might as well go have some champagne in The Rose Club.

Go to the mezzanine level, away from the family tourists and with the Euro-cool folks who think that they have more money than you do but less money than the think they do.

Just order that half bottle of Krug. After all, it’s all downhill from her anyway. You are at the Plaza, chomping on sweet candied nuts and being served by men in tuxedos.

And that Krug…wow.

I have rarely had champagne like this. It’s so balanced – clean and crisp with toasty and heady notes – it almost reminds me of mustard in the way that incredible mustard is a sensation for your nose and palate. It’s the perfect accompaniment for a bad day, a good day, a cheese plate, or any combination thereof.

And it’s a great memory when you are mushing together the dregs of old soaps instead of getting new ones because soap money is nonexistent this month.

Of course, if you didn’t waste all of your money on this, you might want to check out this Lamb Cooking Class at Fairway. Learn how to cook Mustard Crusted Rack of Lamb, Roasted Leg of Lamb, and a flurry of side dishes and dessert before getting to eat your creations! Even better, you get wine pairings from the coolest wine aficionado I have ever met, Joshua Wesson, and the money from your ticket proceeds the New York Common Pantry. Head here for more details – I wasn’t paid to tell ya about this, I have just been to Fairway’s classes, and they are awesome!